Why do I do this?

I have been asked this question, and at times, I have asked myself and God.  Why not comfort, God?  Why not a plush life?

I write, I dream, and I go into others’ (and my own) horrific trauma with my Savior, and I listen…

I listen to my Savior’s thoughts and his heart regarding another’s pain and atrocities because I have been born to do this!

I was not born to step away, run away, or become numb to evil, suffering, and injustice. I was created to run towards the traumatized, towards those who have been sexually exploited or trafficked: the slaves of today.

I experience this hard work of a trauma therapist because I KNOW!  I know heaven comes down. My prayer is that I can run into hell and usher heaven in.  I know because I have lived and experienced hell on earth.  But more than that––HEAVEN came down. Christ came down and met me, held my heart, cried with heart beats with His.

What does heaven do?  Heaven leaves heaven: a place of comfort, plenty, and purity.

My question is: Where are you, Church?  Are you in the dungeon, the filth, the darkness, and the suffering?

Acts 17:6 says: “Those men have turned the world upside down.”

Has the Church gone into the dungeon so that the dungeon becomes the Church? I know that God has entered into the dungeon of my heart and transformed my heart into a heart that looks like HIS.  God in His power became little and became one of us so I may be HIS.

I have come to know there is no me; there is no them. There is only US.  When God’s people worship and separate themselves untouched, they are not worshiping the God of the Scripture. There is nothing in the Scriptures to suggest that being complacent, neutral, and deaf is Godly.

Sadly, I see that the body of Christ has failed to see trauma as a place of service. “It’s too messy!” I have heard this many times.  And they are right! It is messy! We may get bloody shirts, snot in our hair from the many tears, and a broken heart. But isn’t that where Christ enters in?

Our first call is not to a place, be that churches or dungeons, but to the person of Jesus Christ.

When we love and obey Christ no matter what the cost, we must first bring Christ inot our own dungeons- we know them and so does Christ. We cannot hide our dungeons, whether they be pride, pornography, or self-hatred. We and He know our dungeons.

But most importantly, we know that God interfaces with this world as it is. He leaves the highest place and descends to the lowest. He leaves beauty and enters into chaos. He leaves pure and enters filthy.  

So back to the original question. I am called to the work of the dungeon. The work that my Savior has graciously given me.  

Why do I do this? Because God carries my anguish. I know it, and I bear witness to it myself as I enter into unspeakable atrocities.

I too live the push-pull between the need to speak and the need to hush. …I know the tension exists because it resides within me.  At times the ROAR of the Lion within me is so very strong—the ROAR of trauma.  But greater still is the song of HOPE. It is music to my ears and my heart.   

I know that my broken “happily ever afters” are over because I KNOW my Savior will hold my heart. He will hold my dungeon atrocities and love me in through sick mess! I HAVE LOVED.  This is all I have to offer a hurting world. And ya know what? It IS ENOUGH!  Because it is the work of our Savior…

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