Someone said to me recently that from the outside it looks like my life has fallen apart in every way. I agreed from the worldly perspective. Yet disagreed in the eternal perspective. I have had to choose which perspective I want to live by. God continually reminds me of who I am. In the loneliest places when I forget God reminds me of what Grace is! God always reminds me that I belong to Him! I am living a story within a story of Grace and Love! He always shows up! He doesn’t just call me Beloved, He finds ways to help me believe it! In the last few years, I have learned to look at the world through different lenses. God’s lens. I want to make the most of the time I have here on earth. The time is Urgent. I am needed, you are needed to come and mend the brokenhearted, spread the GOOD news! I am the ONE God loves, that is enough!
God called me to repent. I was trying hard to construct a life of safety, no-fear zone. God called me to “set it down, turn your eyes to me, sweetheart, I want to come for you.” So I step out as I commune with God. Yes, this is risky to play the irreplaceable role that is ours to play, it’s not easy, there are not a lot of people that take this step of faith. “Do not give way to fear” (1 Peter 3:6). I sweat in the heat of the battle, tremble as I step out, walk in the pouring rain---God is my umbrella! God brings me relief in the desert, holds me tightly secure in every storm. God is and always will be at my side, and more essential in the middle of my heart of love. I am living LOVED—there is SUCH FREEDOM OF JOY in living life with the top off! The sky of Joy is the limit.
We founded Restoring the Heart Ministries in September of 1998. The work that God called us to do was truly directed by him: working with the traumatized from Sept. 11, working with the sexually traumatized all over the country and beyond, loving those in Africa that were torn up from war, the work of joyful ministry has been more than I ever dreamed! But now Love is breaking through in a new way. God in His gentle voice, and at times bold acts of direction is telling me to put it all down. It’s time. In life, at times we may have to let what we have created to crumble. I believe that God will resurrect it again in his power and way. I don’t know what it will look like. I don’t have to know---all I am to do is step out in faith and do as God directs.
As I read the life of Elijah I see similarities in the way God has been directing me. Yes, I have lived a life at times asking others to give me what only God can. I need you, Lord. Yes, I am worn out and afraid. God in his kindness tenderly misters to my heart and physical needs. For a while, I may “go into hiding” as I am worn out from “doing” and badly in need of restoration of my spirit. As I step away from the chaos God in his “gentle whisper.” I see that in this new chapter of life God is bringing me to a place of ultimate over the top Thanksgiving. To a life of simplicity, simply listening and obeying God’s voice of love.
I am letting go of the clutter that I have picked up in this journey of life. This clutter has at times roared up and threatened to take over my thoughts and energy. Even possessions that started off as blessings can end up requiring too much attention. God is enough, I no longer need to search for love in all of the wrong places.
On my knees on this rainy day, I bow before my Father. I let go of many…I don’t focus on what they did to me, I focus on the fact that my Sin of looking to them for love that only God could deliver bound me to Sin.
You see if sin rules in me God cannot rule. God’s life in me will be killed. I weep today with grief, losing them hurts, letting go feels like a sharp poker in my heart. But as I let them go I invite God in---WHOOSH! His power and love come like a mighty fire of love inside of me. Interesting that as I prayed this and let Gods love came in there was a loud thunderclap here in Chicago. God is showing up! I am awake, I listen as I am fully alert to the mighty fire of love in my soul.
"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lords was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." -1 Kings 19:11